Willow Rosenberg (magickal_willow) wrote in thefinalehour,
Willow Rosenberg
magickal_willow
thefinalehour

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I don't know why I had to go down there, I really don't.

Okay, well, I do.. there was a book down there I needed, and I didn't think anyone was down there, but that's not the point.

Nope, not the point. Totally opposite of the point, actually.

I didn't expect them to be there. Oz is so.. calm. Not that he hasn't always been, but you can tell there's something different. That he knows who he is now, that he is in control instead of the wolf.

And of course, I couldn't expect him not to pass on those skills to our newest resident werewolf.

It was just a bit of a shock to come down the stairs and see him practically naked, and Nina too. I mean, yes, logically it makes sense. They've been working on shifting back and forth, and clothes don't take well to that.

But still.

In a way, I couldn't help feeling he was still my Oz - the one I'd loved more than anything, and who if I saw him in fifty years in some completely unexpected and random place, I'd know. And I didn't want to feel like that, but when I saw him with her, it just sort of made a pang in my chest, you know?

That and I felt like I was invading, seeing something I wasn't supposed to. I would've just snuck away, but Oz saw me before I could and waved, smiling, like there was nothing weird about it at all. I mutter-babbled something about the book and how I needed it and how I didn't mean to interrupt and please don't even pay attention to me, but what I really wanted to do was run over and tell Nina that in no uncertain terms, Oz was mine.

Even though he's not, and never will be again.
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I smile when I see Willow walk down the stairs. And smile even more when she babbles about just needing to get a book. She's still the same Willow I loved back in high school, and I won't lie now; I still love.

We still have a connection, that I know nothing can break. Call it first love, or what you will, but it's there, and I know that she feels it too.

Which only makes matters more complicated. I find that the more I train and work with Nina, that the closer we become. Our relationship has transcended beyond mentor and pupil, to a completely new level that I don't even know how to describe.

Plus Willow is dating Kennedy, which I shouldn't even get started on. Seeing them together... It's almost like when I first found out about Tara. That surge of jealously, pain and anger, I feel that now every time I look at Kennedy. Thankfully, my self-control is stronger. If it weren't, I'd hate to see what would happen.

Oh well, enough dwelling on the past and what could be. I'll meditate later when I'm alone and can work out my thoughts better.

Nina agreed that a break was much needed, so I put on the sweat pants that were previously lying on the floor, and go over to Willow.
It helped when Oz put on his pants. Okay, still a little weird, but I could at least pretend that it wasn't as weird as I felt.

I attempted a friendly smile.
"Looks like training's going well. How are you guys doing?"
I smile back and nod, "We're getting there."

I glance over at Nina who was putting her shirt back on. "Since she's a different breed it's easier for her to shift without the moon. But it's still hard to tap into her wolf completely. The hardest part will be the full moon and controlign her urge to shift."

When Willow's mood changed, I could feel it. She was becoming uncomfortable, so I decided to change the subject, "How are things with you?"
((I'm so sorry I haven't gotten to this earlier, but I ended up staying out overnight last night and didn't get home until this afternoon!))

"I've been busy, what with the protection spells for the building, and getting everything ready. I've barely seen Kennedy in a week."

Why did I have to mention Kennedy? I mean, yes, she is my girlfriend, but it just seemed like maybe I shouldn't have said it, and I wasn't quite sure why.
((That's okay honey, I understand))

"That has to be hard" I reply, making sure to keep the smile on my face steady and unwavering. It would hurt her to know that it hurt me, so I'll just pretend. I've hurt Willow enough in the past and that's something I vowed to never do again.

"I can talk to Angel and the others. See if you two can get some alone time?" I offer, trying to show that it's okay to talk about Kennedy around me.
"It's not like she isn't busy too, though - you know, Slayer stuff. Working with the newer Slayers, getting them comfy and stuff."

It's not that I didn't miss spending more time with her, it was just... complicated.
"Yeah, I get that."

I sigh and look around at nothing in paticular. "Everything is so different now. We've been though apocolypses before, but this... this just seems like the grand finale, or something."

That's something I had been thinking a lot about lately. If this really was the end, what did I have to show for my life? That I was a werewolf musician who dated a witch for three years before traveling the world? Sure, those are great accomplishments, especially the traveling, but still... It feels like there's something more I could do. Like something is missing.
I found myself nodding at what he said.

"Yeah, this time it's different. Kinda sad that I should be able to say this end-of-the-worldiness is different, because really, who usually sees more than one? But I've seen too many. And it kinda weirds me out."
"Yeah, it seems like every week some new dilema comes up."

"Would it be wrong to perfer one apocolypse over another?" I joke.
I laugh.

"In one way yes, but in another no - I think I'm for the easy-to-avert apocalypses! Not that those actually happen, but a girl can dream, can't she?"